


in your eyes, i see god

by emeraldsapphic



Series: you, me, and the songs that keep me up at night; [5]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: But only if you squint, Charles Leclerc but he's only mentioned, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Formula One 2020 Season, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Religious Conflict, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsapphic/pseuds/emeraldsapphic
Summary: "God is love.""Mh?" Lewis glanced at the man lying with his head on his chest."Just thinking about this." Pierre pointed at Lewis's neck tattoo, tracing it with his fingertip, faintly reading it through the lowlight of his room, sending shivers down Lewis's spine."I was thinking about what it meant to you."
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Pierre Gasly
Series: you, me, and the songs that keep me up at night; [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973971
Comments: 17
Kudos: 58





	in your eyes, i see god

**Author's Note:**

> okay so - long story short - this started with me finding out these two talk and play games together - it continued with me coining the ship name for them - it ended up with me having two wips about them in the span of a week
> 
> so now you have this!
> 
> apparently, i like to express my religious trauma this way. the only thing i believe in less than god is myself <3
> 
> song: _godspeed_ by frank ocean
> 
> enjoy :)

"God is love."

"Mh?" Lewis glanced at the man lying with his head on his chest. 

"Just thinking about this." Pierre pointed at Lewis's neck tattoo, tracing it with his fingertip, faintly reading it through the lowlight of his room, sending shivers down Lewis's spine. 

"What about it?" Lewis asked, softly playing with Pierre's blond locks, something he was used to, a new routine he had fallen in love with.

_I will always love you how I do_

"I was thinking about what it meant to you." 

"It means a lot." Lewis couldn't hide his smile. He loved when Pierre asked him questions, he always showed genuine interest in finding out aspects of his personality he hadn't already discovered. There was a lot to find, still. Even though he sometimes couldn't help but feel like they had known each other forever.

"Obviously." Pierre smiled for a moment. "I wish I could believe in God the same way you do."

"You wish, but you don't?" Lewis was taken by surprise. Pierre always liked to talk about philosophical things, and he had even flattered Lewis once by referring to him as a lovely person to have deep conversations with. But Lewis had never expected Pierre to talk about faith to him, out of all people.

"Well, I can't." 

"Of course you can."

Pierre sighed and shook his head. "Not with everything that's happened."

A heavy shadow appeared on his face, and Lewis understood where the conversation was heading.

"To me, to Charles-" Pierre sucked in a shaky breath. "How can I believe in God when he- when my poor Charles had to go through all of that." Pierre's eyes watered, and Lewis's first instinct was to place a kiss on his forehead. 

A seal of protection.  
Nothing will ever harm you again.  
A prayer.

_Let go of a prayer for you  
Just a sweet word_

"When Antoine - it was hard - but we understood each other's pain - we dealt with it together. But when he - _Dieu_ \- I didn't know what to say or do. I couldn't make it better. I just wanted him to feel better. _Mon pouvre Charles._ " 

"You did whatever you could. It must have been horrible," Lewis offered, a lump forming in his own throat, while Pierre just silently agreed. 

Lewis thought about how unfair what they had to go through was for them. And how lucky he had been, growing up, not to have gone through similar trauma. 

He felt guilty for feeling so blessed when the point was Pierre couldn't quite match his spirit on that one issue.

Lewis really couldn't blame Pierre for not believing.

As he looked at Pierre silently processing everything, still having to deal with past pain, he felt useless. He sensed a wave of bitterness wash over him, so he decided to drift the conversation somewhere else. In safer waters. For both his and Pierre's sake.

"You two really love each other." It wasn't a question, and it wasn't malicious. 

Pierre's smile finally reached his eyes. 

"Was there ever anything-"

"With Charles?" His eyes widened in terror. "No, no."

"Why do I feel there's a 'but' in there?" Lewis laughed. Somehow, even in the dark, he could picture Pierre's reddened cheeks. 

"We were two kids experimenting, but as soon as we realized what love was - no - before we could even think about it, we were like brothers."

Lewis said nothing even though the first part did spark curiosity. 

"You don't mind, do you?" Suddenly Pierre's eyes carried worry, and Lewis wanted nothing more but to kiss his concerns away.

"No, of course not. I am happy you have someone like that in your life. You deserve it. You both do." And he meant it sincerely. Lewis genuinely admired their friendship. 

Charles was a good person, a good kid, and he knew there was something special in their relationship - something he would have never matched - but that was the point. 

He didn't mind. He couldn't mind.

Because different relationships meant different things. Lewis couldn't be Charles, and Charles couldn't be Lewis. There was no competition, it was two separate circuits. Even if the trophy was technically the same.

And maybe he was a bit jealous, but not in the way Pierre feared. He was jealous he had no one to count on in the same way, of how life in motorsport would have been so much easier if he had had a friend - a brother - like that. 

"You see, Pierre, it's in moments like this I truly believe in God."

Pierre looked up to him, and Lewis gave him another forehead kiss before continuing.

"I don't believe in God as a person. I don't believe in faith as a set of rules you need to follow."

"I believe in God as the highest culmination of love. A powerful force that binds people together."

"That's beautiful." 

"It is." Lewis smiled at Pierre's exclamation. "I believe in a higher power that gravitates us towards what's good. I think that's what makes it easier for me to have faith." 

"Right now, for example."

"In the way you look at me, and in the way I look at you, I recognize God in you."

"Lewis, that's-" Pierre was speechless.

"Powerful. Love is powerful, and that's exactly what I believe God is."

"You were God's gift to me, Pierre. That's why I have faith." And Lewis meant every word he said.  
Because Pierre had shown him how much he had missed in his life, and he had never experienced this type of love.  
Lewis was over the moon with the happiness he carried in his heart, and the gratefulness he felt, it all transformed into faith.

"I don't deserve this."

"Of course you do, darling."

" _Tu es indescriptible, et je suis si chanceuse de t'avoir._ "

There was something special in the language they shared.  
As per communication skills, Lewis had been at an advantage from the start.  
And sometimes he stopped to think about how lucky he was, that he had not been obliged to learn a new language growing up. But, on the other hand, he was also slightly jealous of people who spoke different languages. 

Pierre always put himself down when it came to his English skills, but Lewis always reminded him how fascinating it was to know multiple languages. And it was only when Pierre struggled that he was reminded of how difficult it must have been. 

He was so fascinated by it he had even asked Pierre to teach him a bit of French. Both to make Pierre feel better about struggling with words and out of sheer curiosity.  
Though he couldn't lie, there _was_ an added layer of eroticism that played a key factor.

That time, Lewis understood Pierre perfectly, somehow. "No, I am the lucky one, trust me."

Pierre reached for a kiss, and the feeling of his lips on his proved the point. Lewis was blessed.

"Pierre - about believing - don't stress too much. If it's meant to be, faith will come to you, when you least expect it. If it doesn't - then that's okay, too - it won't lessen your worth, never, not in my eyes, at least."

_Wishing you godspeed, glory  
There will be mountains you won't move_

"It's okay if you feel like you need to be angry at life sometimes. Just know you are not alone. It's not you versus the entire universe. It will never be. You have me, you have Charles, and you have your other friends and family. Through thick and thin."

_Still I'll always be there for you  
How I do_

"Even when we'll eventually fight for that championship title?" Pierre couldn't stop himself from laughing as he joked.

"Okay, okay, calm down, Nico Rosberg."

Pierre gasped. "How dare you-" He exclaimed, in his own overly melodramatic way, before starting to tickle Lewis's side.

"Stop, oh my God, I am sorry!" Lewis said in between laughs.  
When Pierre finally stopped, he continued, "Yes, Pierre. If that happens before I retire of old age, I swear I will not stop loving you less."

"You're not old," Pierre pouted.

"You know I love you, right?"

"I know, grandpa."

"Nevermind, I take back what I said."

Pierre laughed once more before seriously adding, "Thank you. I mean it."

_I let go of my claim on you, it's a free world_

"Are you sure you don't mind me and Charles being so close?"

"Do you mind my friendship with Seb?"

"No, but that's different.

"How?"

"He is married."

"Charles has a girlfriend."

"I had one, too."

Lewis laughed. Pierre had a point after all.  
"Okay then, should I worry?"

"Of course not."

"Then, there you have it."

_You look down on where you came from sometimes  
But you'll have this place to call home, always_

"Can you say it again?" Pierre asked, with big, hopeful eyes.

"Say what?" 

"That you love me. I like hearing it."

Lewis smiled. _"Dans tes yeux, je vois Dieu."_

_This love will keep us through blinding of the eyes  
Silence in the ears, darkness of the mind_

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! this is the fifth installment in my song fic series, each fic is its own work, and each is inspired by a different song
> 
> feedback always helps! :)
> 
> find me on tumblr: [@racinglesbian](https://racinglesbian.tumblr.com/)


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